Act like a Boy or else
…
by Lesley Renee Charles
Chapter 9
The next morning I awoke early and went
to take a shower in my private bathroom. Then I went to get dressed.
“What to wear for my first day of lessons.” I opted for
something casual and comfortable, so I chose a black skirt and a baby
blue top to go with it.
About an hour later, Max, Chris and
Alex came to escort me, first to breakfast and then to my first
class. This class was according to my schedule to be female
submission 101. My blood was starting to boil with just the title
alone. Somehow I just knew I was not going to get through this
lecture demurely.
At breakfast, my mother and brothers
saw me and called me over.
“You are looking great my daughter.
Are you happy now that you are on the path to being the girl you
always wanted to be. I always knew you were struggling with gender
issues. I had hoped that you could confide in me. I will help you
to become the girl you want to be. I know that you are going to have
some hard times still with your father. I wish there was some way to
modify his behavior. I have put up with it for too long.”
Alec said, “I am so glad to see you
become who you were meant to be. I know that dad made your life very
difficult trying to force you to fit his standards of masculinity. I
too, always knew that was not what was meant for you. I will try and
be there for you as much as possible, sis. I also think you cut a
beautiful figure as a girl. Mom there may be a way to cut dad down
to size. I know of some irregularities in his books and may be able
to take control from him. I also have some ideas on how to give him
a better understanding of women and what it will feel like if he was
in the role of what he considers to be the perfect woman. Just give
me a little time to implement my plans.”
Carl came over to me and gave me a
reassuring hug. “I, too, accept you as my beautiful older sister
and will try to give you all the support and love that you will need
from me. I only wish that dad could accept you for yourself and not
try to change you to fit his bizarre notions of femininity. Alec I
will support you in whatever you decide to do to dad. He needs to
learn that he can't control everybody and make them do his bidding.”
My time spent with my family, minus my
dad of course, helped me to find the strength within myself to start
being the person I want to be. I think I can finally admit that I
enjoy being dressed up like I am now and always felt that I was born
the wrong sex. Maybe in a very strange way my dad was helping me to
develop into what I wanted. I just don't know if I can put up with
his antiquated notions of men and women.
All to soon, breakfast was over and my
guys escorted me down the corridor to the classroom section. They
led me to the door to the class.
“Michelle, we will be back when the
lecture is over. I know that this class will be hard for you. Just
remember the instructor is being coerced to say what your father
wants. She was once your father's male rival whom he transformed
into the submissive woman before you. I know this because I saw it
done and it was not a pretty sight. This incident is what keeps most
of us in check.”
This statement scared me. I was now
beginning to get very afraid of what may be in store for me. I was
starting to view my father as a very crazed individual bent on world
domination. I somehow felt that he was not going to stop with just
this little secret group. I hoped that Alec was right and could stop
him. I was also fearing what might happen to my brother if he failed
given what my dad did to his rival.
4 comments:
Dear Lesley,
again, most wonderful and insightful parts of this most interesting story.
Regarding the motives of Michelle's father and his concept of gender roles, I am not sure where they actually come from. Maybe it all comes from fear, and therefore the high expectations and almost bizzare view on gender roles acts as kind of protective barrier for him to hide behind for some reason, maybe the fear to fail as a man. From the story so far, I have no doubt that at least within his family, all acting was done out of love, or what he understands by love at least, or to protect his family members and develop them to be protected and prepared likewise. That he did wrong on some aspects and maybe even some important aspects might have to do with his lack of understanding that other people are not necessarily like him, but independent individuals. But nevertheless, even this mistake does not decrease the value of his prime motivation to do it best he could possibly do: love.
So as much as I can understand the ongoing planning to wake him up, I think these plannings are dangerous and have a high probability to fail on several levels. To attack him by any means will just lead to further rise of his protective barriers, maybe even regarding his family-members as enemies then, and therefore actually decrease the chance for him to truly learn and develop, overcoming his fears leading to such false understanding and misinterpretation of gender roles. He has to be lead very gently and softly to accept new insights. Thus, he has to be accepted fully first, and also loved whatever might happen to feel very secure among the people he trusts in or then develops to trust in. Enough trust to let his walls around himself fall, a thing while not easy for him in general already, he especially will not do if threatened or forced, as the latter will only increase his resistance. He has to be truly convinced that a different view and action is better than the one he now has, as the latter came for a reason: he benefitted from it a lot, feeling very secure already while following his concept that is therefore proven to be valid for him.
I do not know what actual measures to take for changing the view of Michelle's father, but I doubt that the described plan will work. I sense that Michelle will have a prime role in convincing his father that his view, although practical for him and actually meant to deliver his love to his family, is better replaced by another one by his own free choosing. I sense it as I think Michelle is the most empathic and sensitive person of this family. And I am sure she will find a way without forcing her father. Using force for it is just the same method as forcing Michelle to be a girl or woman according to the ideas of her father by the education now beginning, only to have the same high probability to fail.
Sincerely, Roland
Roland, you make some very good points and give me something to think about in developing this further. I will think about what happens to the father a little bit more, but I think he does need to experience what he wants others to do. You are right that Michelle is the more caring one in the family, but I think that is because she tried to find her own way up to a point since she was denying her real self.
Lesley, I do not think that the father necessarily needs to experience what he wants for others to do, but to gain insight in its consequences, be it by self-experience, example or just intense thought. He thinks he has all the power, but instead is rather helpless, as he acts bound to his self-built protective barriers and concepts, like a slave to his own concept. He has to be freed of that to really have a chance to develop. Sometimes, a shock-therapy might work, but I doubt that this is always the right way. People easily think that this is the easiest and most logical way to gain quick success, but instead create huge damage that they are not capable to repair any more, often motivated by false motives to do so.
Michelle has a strong personality. Indeed, as you say, this is a result of her tough way of finding to herself, against all society's and her father's judgement. But instead of breaking her down or making her weak, this all made her only stronger, with her eyes wide open for reality, and with deepest love in her heart. I really admire her.
Roland, I can see that you do admire her. In some ways, I find a bit of Michelle in me, maybe that is why I relate to her, and in terms of siblings I am the middle one, having an older brother and a younger brother. Maybe it is true that we put a little of ourselves in a story.
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