Saturday, March 12, 2011

What Transgenderism means to me -- Part 2

I was not looking forward to the onslaught of male puberty.  Until then I could basically ignore what was hanging between my legs, not that it was all that big and did not get bigger during puberty.  A fact I am thankful for now, as I don't have to tuck it to make my panties fit right.  It just sort of flattens and leaves me with a flat front.  About the only thing I really got out of puberty was body hair, facial hair and erections, which I have always hated.  I am also grateful for the fact that I never developed an Adam's Apple and my voice never changed.

On the cross-dressing front I could not wear my mother's clothes as she was shorter than me.  But I did wear her shoes and clip on earrings.  I would pretend that I was a female courting a guy.  I also prayed to the Lord every night to make me a girl, so that I could be happy.  I always a girl in my imagination and that made bearing with being a male slightly more tolerable.  I was not happy with my body and the male needs, I did discover self-pleasuring, but did not like the mess, so I taught myself to do it in the toilet, then make sure I urinated so I would not have the residue in my underwear.

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