Monday, March 21, 2011

Giving of Power

When I was younger and more immature, I used to let other people push my buttons and get me upset.  I mean I would go off on the littlest things.  When I was younger, I hated my male middle name and once my dad found out he would call me by my first and then drawl out my middle name. This used to get me so mad,
I would lose my temper and stomp about.  As I reached my teens, I learned to act like it didn't bother me and my dad stopped it.  I use this as an example of surrendering the power of control to someone else or even just letting somebody have power over us.  Once I realized that, if I felt someone was abusing it and in turn using it to hurt me, I learned to retake that power back and not let someone get to me.  For the most part this does help.  When I was in college, and very much asexual, not sexually attracted to either sex, I was assaulted by a young man, who exposed himself to me.  For a long time, I was scared of males, because I was not as physically strong as them.  Slowly, I faced my fear and took that power back.  It happened on my school job, so I forced myself to go back to where it happened and fought back.  It took me a long time to become comfortable with men.  I have people around me who are always trying to tear me down, destroy my confidence in myself and I am standing proud in who I am, what I believe in and I refuse to give them that power to destroy me.  

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