Thursday, March 10, 2011

What is Transgenderism means to me -- Part 1

I am not going to provide a definition since the root and the word says it all.  Trans means to cross and gender is gender.  So literally it means to cross genders.  You basically are born transgendered whether you deal with it early or not.  When I was around three I remember coming to the conclusion that God made a mistake and I was born the wrong sex.  I knew I would have been happier being a girl.  I understood them better, wanted to play with their toys, dress like them.  When I was three I also walked on the balls of my bare feet, pretending I was wearing high-heel shoes.  When adult dress up clothes of both sexes was presented I chose the woman's clothes and ignored the man's clothes.  If we played house, since the mother was picked by the older girls I played with, I fought to play a daughter, even if the other girls wanted me to play the father.  I guess I felt I played the part of the male enough in my real life, in fantasy I wanted to be myself.

As I grew up, I would wear towels as long hair and sarong style dresses.  I was forced to play with boys, in the hope that their masculinity would rub off on me.  Thankfully, it did not.  But if I played with boys like that it was usually with one or two at a time.  I did not like the rough way that boys played.  I made friends easier with girls and preferred to play with them and their toys.  Up until I was five for Halloween I could wear girl costumes and I did.  When I was five I was Raggedy Ann for Halloween and for Christmas, I asked Santa for a Raggedy Ann doll.  When I woke up, I was disappointed that I got Raggedy Andy.  I did not want the boy doll.  The mantras of my childhood were, "Why do you want that, boys don't play with that", "Boys don't cry, so just be a little man."

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