Sunday, March 6, 2011

Reflections

by Lesley Renee Charles
I remember playing with several girls in my neighborhood when one of the girls decided that we were going to play dress-up in adult clothes.

She went to get several clothes from her parents. I remember coming back with a suit and tie and man's oxford shoes. She also had several dresses and high heel shoes from her mother. I remember being attracted to the woman's clothes, especially the high heels. They were so beautiful.

I remember trying on the woman's clothes on and feeling like myself for the first time, of course the girls were a little shocked at this, but I felt the looks were worth it if I can dress like I wanted to for a few moments.

At this time in my life I would play house with these same girls and I would always hold out to play a female role, even though they wanted me to play the father. I felt that I played a male role enough in my real life that I did not want to play one in imagination.

Growing up I did get a lot of strange looks, but I have always tried to be who I am some way or another. Also thankfully, I was the target of bullies but not to the extent of others. It was not too bad for me, and occasionally I had some strong girls sticking up for me. Of course, now I can see the humor of that situation.

My family did try to have me join the scouts and other all male groups, unsuccessfully. I did not last long because, I was never your typical boy, and I could not understand them and they could not understand me either.

Growing up, I would use towels as dresses and long hair, as I always saw myself as a female. I remember when my mom told me my thing would fall off, I experimented to see if it would, alas it did not. I remember being relieved that my mom was wrong, but I think it was more that I did not want to see the blood. I always wondered if a part of me, wished that it would have.

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