My Journey Through Life, So Far Part 2

My Journey Through Life, So Far

by

Lesley Renee Charles

Chapter 2

I convinced my mother not to let me go back to preschool so I was off from school for a year. I mostly played with my Fisher Price play family, my Dawn doll while I still had it.

That Halloween, I was a Fairy Princess, it was one of those plastic ones that you could buy all over the place then. I think it bothered my family that I chose a feminine costume but that was who I was. I still remember it had a pink dress, wings. The blonde hair was molded and painted on the mask which was held over your face by a rubber band.

My older brother was trying his best to make me act more like a boy, but that was really a losing battle. He tried to get me more interested with my toy cars, but I largely ignored them. In a way, my younger brother took this pressure off of me since he gravitated to playing with the toy cars and guns.

When I was five, I did have to go to Kindergarten. I lucked out in that I had morning shift. I was real shy in school and kept mostly to myself or with the girls who I had an easier time making friends with. I was never really comfortable around a group of boys. I always felt like I was playing a part, that I never really wanted to do anything that they did.

I remember walking from school, either by myself or with a group of kids that lived in my part of the neighborhood. That was the days when kids could go off by themselves without the threat of anything happening to them. In school, the only things we were taught about strangers, was don't accept rides from them and/or candy from them.

Also, around this age I really wanted to get a Raggedy Ann doll. I dressed up as Raggedy Ann for that Halloween and I asked Santa Claus for one that Christmas. I remember opening my gifts that morning and being very disappointed in finding Raggedy Andy instead of Raggedy Ann. I was so annoyed at getting the boy doll. Oh well, the bitter disappointments of the gender dysphoric.

After school, when playing with the older girls we would play dress-up in their parents clothes. I remember that there would be a choice of men's clothes and women's clothes and that I would gravitate to the women's clothes. I especially loved to wear the high heel shoes. It just felt so right to wear the feminine clothes. At least I could get away for a little while from male clothes.

When choosing sheets and spreads for the room I shared with my brother, I usually chose floral prints and pastel colors. Boy, did he hate it when I chose the bedding. I had feminine tastes even then. I used to love to help my mother plant the flowers and couldn't wait for them to bloom in the spring.

I remember when the weather was nice we would walk to the old McDonald's before it was renovated. It was a small white building and you could not eat there, you had to get carry-out. Now when I was growing up this was a treat. My mother always made lunch and dinner, we very seldom ate out. We were allowed to drink soda at supper only. The rest of the time it was juice, milk, Kool-Aid or water. My mother's rules.

Also, when I was five I had to wear leg braces to correct my walk. I hated them and fought to get them off. If anybody has seen Forrest Gump they were just like the ones he wore when he was a child. Matter of fact watching that movie brought back memories of them. I also have fallen arches and at that time I had to wear metal arches that had sides to them. I had to wear shoes a size or two bigger and sometimes they had to be specially made, so sometimes I could not wear what the other kids were wearing.

A major event that happened in First Grade was it was noticed that I was starting to have trouble seeing far. It came to head when my grades were falling because I had trouble seeing the board and would just try to guess at the letters. So of course, I had my eyes tested and had to get glasses.

Class wise I had to major problems, until learning to write cursive. I usually volunteered to stay after school to catch up with the other kids. Also when I was eight I had to join the cub scouts. My mother thought that this would help me get over my shyness and I also think she thought that hanging with a bunch of boys would stop my effeminate behavior. Didn't really work, but I did have some fun with the cub scouts. Unfortunately this wouldn't last long as my family was about to move to Lawrence Township, New Jersey.