I was not looking forward to the onslaught of male puberty. Until then I could basically ignore what was hanging between my legs, not that it was all that big and did not get bigger during puberty. A fact I am thankful for now, as I don't have to tuck it to make my panties fit right. It just sort of flattens and leaves me with a flat front. About the only thing I really got out of puberty was body hair, facial hair and erections, which I have always hated. I am also grateful for the fact that I never developed an Adam's Apple and my voice never changed.
On the cross-dressing front I could not wear my mother's clothes as she was shorter than me. But I did wear her shoes and clip on earrings. I would pretend that I was a female courting a guy. I also prayed to the Lord every night to make me a girl, so that I could be happy. I always a girl in my imagination and that made bearing with being a male slightly more tolerable. I was not happy with my body and the male needs, I did discover self-pleasuring, but did not like the mess, so I taught myself to do it in the toilet, then make sure I urinated so I would not have the residue in my underwear.
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