Che Amore

Che Amore

by

Lesley Renee Charles

I leaned over the balcony overlooking the Fora Romana. I was looking at the ancient ruins, imagining what it must have been like back then. Imagining what it must have been like for a woman back then.

I was here in Rome, to see where my family had come from. This was my first full day here and I decided to take a little tour to see the sights. I was standing here in a simple denim skirt with a robin's egg blue blouse. My shoulder length raven hair blowing in the slight breeze. I could smell the blooms of various springtime flowers in the air.

I turned around and bumped into a big wall. I heard said wall, “Are you all right ma'am?” I looked up into a pair of Sapphire eyes. I was so captivated by them, that it took me a little bit to reply.

“Yes, I am fine thank you.”

“What is a beautiful lady like you doing all by herself in this wonderful city. My name is Nicholas Grant, but you can call me Nick.”

“Hi, Nick. It's great to meet you. My name is Rosa Vacca. I am here to see where my family came from.”

“Are you an American? I am here on a business trip. Would you like to go to dinner tonight? Maybe see the Fontana Di Trevi?”

“I would love to.”

“How about seven tonight?”

“That's fine. I will be ready.”

He asked me where I was staying and I gave him the name of my hotel. We parted and I decided to shop in the local stores to see if I can find a beautiful dress.

Later, back in my hotel room, I pulled out my gaffe so I could tuck myself in. I then put on a lacy pair of white panties. Following that I put on my garter belt, ran the straps under my panties. I then sat down on my bed, rolled my white silk stockings into doughnut shapes. I learned over and slowly and sensuously rolled them up my smooth legs. Caressing my calves as I slid them up past my knees and finally covering my thighs. I attached them to the belt using the garter straps. I loved the feel of wearing stockings. It made me feel so feminine.

I picked up the matching brassiere. I put it on backwards, fastened the eyelets and then turned it around. I put the straps over my shoulders and then adjusted it. I then put in my C-cup breast forms. I turned to the mirror and admired the look. I decided to wear my waist cincher to give me a more hourglass shape.

I finished getting ready. Made sure the make-up looked perfect. Grabbed my wig off of the wig form. Splashed some Chanel 5 and was ready.

He arrived on time. We went to the ristorante and had a great meal. The candlelight gleamed in his beautiful eyes. I felt like I could swim in them forever and never come up for air. If there is such a thing as love at first sight, this might be it.

“Ciao Rosa, come sta?”

“Sta bene, grazie. E tu?”

“Sta bene.”

After ascertaining that we both were fine. We looked over the menu. Nick suggested that I try their Chicken Parmasian. He said that it was molto deliciouso. He ordered two plates, and a very expensive bottle of white wine to go with the meal.

Nick asked, “What did you do today?”

“I went shopping today to find the right dress for tonight. I hope you like it.”

“I love it, it suits you so well. Rosa, I think I am falling for you. Tell me, a little bit about yourself.”

“Nick, before we get more involved, there is something I should tell you.”

“What, that you are a beautiful woman, or that you were born with a bit extra?”

“You knew?”

“Yes, and it makes no difference to me. I am attracted to you and not your genitalia.”

We decided to share a slice of Tiramisu. We shared it, by feeding it each other. I really felt so attracted to this wonderful man. We finished our meal and he guided me out to see the fountain. If you never have been to Trevi Fountain at night you have to. The white statues seem to glow with the lights and come alive. It was just so magical being there with Nick. The statues seemed to come through the wall of the building. I was captivated by the spell of romance emanating from Nick's wondrous eyes.

“Are you enjoying yourself, cara mia?”

“Si, caro mio. You have made this viaggio a Italia very beautiful. I would love to stay here in your embrace forever.”

It is packed with a lot of people out there having a good time, there is a lot of noise, a lot of gaiety. Nick took my arm and guided me down to the fountain so that we could throw our coins in and make a wish.

Alexandra's Story Part 2

Alexandra's Story
(a spin-off from:  From Knight to Dawn)
by
Lesley Renee Charles
email address: lesleyreneecharles@yahoo.com



Queen Elizabeth summoned Christopher, Dawn's younger brother.  The Queen wanted him to be the husband of the former Alexander du Lac.  She knew that Christopher wanted the man responsible for raping his older sister punished.

Christopher was 6'1" and was muscular.  He worked as a miller and had the muscles to prove it.  He entered the Queen's private conference room and bowed before her royal majesty.

"You requested my presence your highness?"

"Yes, Christopher, I did.  I need to ask a special favor of you."

The Queen continued, "I know how much you want Alexander du Lac to suffer.  I have decided that he will spend the rest of his life as a lady under the control of her husband.  I would love for you to be that husband.  It will be in your power to do anything to her short of beating and/or killing her.  She will be your wife in all aspects.  If you agree to do this I will set you up as a noble."

Christopher did not hesitate a second when he agreed to marry the newly christianed Alexandra.

Meanwhile the former Alexander du Lac was being led into his new private chambers where he was to undergo his new training as a lady.  He was made to strip his clothes and get into the bathtub.  The maidservants who escorted him there under the orders of the Queen, made him get into the tub, where they proceeded to scrub him with the floral scented water.  One of the maid servants took up a razor that was brought in and proceeded to shave off all of his body hair, making him smooth as a new born babe.

When he was finished being bathed, the maid servants started to dress Alexandra in her new feminine undergarments.  They then, put on a very rich, ornate, jeweled gown befitting a lady of the court.

"Alexandra, the Queen wants you to practice wearing gowns and women's slippers.  Also take it easy but, on the morrow you will start your training on how to be a lady and how to keep your man happy in all areas.  Since you were once a man you should know what is expected of a lady."

Upon hearing this Alexandra, turned ashen in color.  S/he knew what s/he wanted ladies to do to him once upon a time.  S/he dreaded the idea of having another man's penis in his mouth.  And swallowing.

"Is there anyway, I can talk to the Queen and get her to change her mind.  I think I would rather be in prison."

He was told "You already agreed to this and now it is too late to change your mind.  Now stop acting like a little girl and take your medicine."

"Also, starting tomorrow, we will begin lacing you up in a corset.  That will enable you to have a nice girlish figure.  Also, we will start rubbing your breasts with a special ointment that will enable you to have a bust of your own without padding."

Upon, Alexandra's waking the next morning, two maidservants entered carrying the latest in corsets.

"Please stand, ma'am and hold you hands out.  We are going to lace you up."

They put the corset on Alexandra, and started to lacing it up.  Alexandra started to feel it constricting on her and fought hard not to scream but she was not going to let her punishers know that the punishment was getting to her.

After making her waist go down to twenty inches, the proceeded to finish dressing Alexandra.  She was dressed in a Sapphire Blue gown, with hand sewn lace insets around the neckline and sleeves.

Alexandra was told to eat her breakfast, but with the corset on, she could hardly eat.

Christopher meanwhile was preparing his plans on how to get revenge on the man that traumatized Dawn.  Christopher remembered how reckless Eric used to be when he was a brother, but when he was tricked into becoming a woman and wife, she developed into a better person and did not deserve to be raped like she was.  Christopher intended to make sure that man who did this would be humiliated often.

My Journey Through Life, So Far Part 3

My Journey Through Life, So Far

by

Lesley Renee Charles

Chapter 3

Another toy, I got the Christmas when I was five was a toy stove and oven. It came with pots and pans so that I could pretend I was cooking stuff. My older brother hated that I got that toy. I remember all the comments he would make about it because he would say them every time that home movie was shown.

I remember using the towels when I would swim in the summer as sarong dresses and long hair. Of course this was usually by our little kid pool. I was not much for swimming until we got our above ground pool when my family lived in Lawrence. I remember until then I never liked to get in water too much higher than my knees. I vaguely remember my first swimming lesson when I was three and going under the water because I cannot float. A friend of mine that I met in my college days had the same problem.

We moved to the house in Lawrence on July 5, 1974. It was a nice four bedroom house. Two story split level. At the time we bought the house it was Charcoal Grey with White shutters. We were on top of the hill. My brother and I were terrified of flooding because the house in Middlesex was in a flood area. I remember using a rowboat to float down to the street towards my aunt's house. I remember all the washing of toys and records after the floods receded. This was one of the reasons we moved, the second was that my dad did not want to commute to work anymore. He worked in Trenton, for the State. He was also closer to his mother and she ended up babying him again.

It took me a little while to get used to the kids, but I made several friends in my development. Fourth Grade was an experience for me. I had to get used to going to all my different classes. I loved it at Eldridge Park School. For Christmas, I got a Hardy Boys book which I did not really like. Too much rough and tough. I guess my family was still trying to make a man out of me. A year or two later, I talked my mother into getting me a Nancy Drew book. As I remember it was The Clue in the Diary. I loved it. I loved how she used her brains and wits to get out of situations. My other favorite books to read was The Little House series. I loved following Laura's adventures.

It was during chess lessons, I met one of my closest friends. She is transgendered like me except we both hid it from each other. I have since reconnected with her and we are still the same with each other. I remember my mother would always say my friend and I were a lot alike. Makes me wonder what my mother saw. Of course, my mother would say during my teen years that I would make some man a wonderful housewife.

All through school, I would make one close male friend but would hang around with the girls more. It was easier for me to talk with and relate to girls than boys. When I was around boys, I always felt like I had to think how to act with them. I was also very quiet and gentle. A general comment that fellow students would write in my yearbook was that I was sweet. My mother's favorite adjective for me at the time was delicate or if she was among her Italian friends delicato. Not a very masculine way to refer to me I guess.

Around the time I was nine, my mother noticed that I did not like to touch my penis when I was washing. I did not like the sensation I got from it. She told me it would fall off if I did not keep it clean. So of course I wanted to find out if it would. It did not and I was relieved as I would not have to see the blood. But looking back, I sometimes wonder if a part of me was not disappointed.

Most of school was routine, except for a few incidents in High School. One very embarrassing moment was when I was in Tenth Grade. I had to go to the bathroom so bad, that I went in one but I did notice that it was a girl's room. Nobody was in when I went in the stall so there was no problems there. I heard some voices, but did not realize they were girls voices until I left the stall. You should have heard the teasing. I remember several weeks after that incident that I dreaded being called down to the office.

When I was twelve, I started to feel stiff between my legs when I was dreaming, but did not look to see what it was. Around my thirteenth birthday, I mentioned it to my pediatrician because it was starting to get more frequent. Still did not see what it was physically. That was when the doctor tried to explain male sexuality to me. I did discover auto-erotic sex. And this was the period where I started to hide my body especially when the body hair started growing, yuch. I feel the same about facial hair. The two things I love about my puberty is one, my voice never changed and two, I don't have a visible Adam's Apple. I never noticed that until one of friends noticed that when I mentioned my voice never changed. Another thing I discovered is that my ring and index fingers are the same length.

Now I was tormented by a small group of bullies in High School and my defender was a tomboy in my homeroom. She always wore steel-toed boots and threatened to kick them where it counts if they did not leave me alone.

My Journey Through Life, So Far Part 2

My Journey Through Life, So Far

by

Lesley Renee Charles

Chapter 2

I convinced my mother not to let me go back to preschool so I was off from school for a year. I mostly played with my Fisher Price play family, my Dawn doll while I still had it.

That Halloween, I was a Fairy Princess, it was one of those plastic ones that you could buy all over the place then. I think it bothered my family that I chose a feminine costume but that was who I was. I still remember it had a pink dress, wings. The blonde hair was molded and painted on the mask which was held over your face by a rubber band.

My older brother was trying his best to make me act more like a boy, but that was really a losing battle. He tried to get me more interested with my toy cars, but I largely ignored them. In a way, my younger brother took this pressure off of me since he gravitated to playing with the toy cars and guns.

When I was five, I did have to go to Kindergarten. I lucked out in that I had morning shift. I was real shy in school and kept mostly to myself or with the girls who I had an easier time making friends with. I was never really comfortable around a group of boys. I always felt like I was playing a part, that I never really wanted to do anything that they did.

I remember walking from school, either by myself or with a group of kids that lived in my part of the neighborhood. That was the days when kids could go off by themselves without the threat of anything happening to them. In school, the only things we were taught about strangers, was don't accept rides from them and/or candy from them.

Also, around this age I really wanted to get a Raggedy Ann doll. I dressed up as Raggedy Ann for that Halloween and I asked Santa Claus for one that Christmas. I remember opening my gifts that morning and being very disappointed in finding Raggedy Andy instead of Raggedy Ann. I was so annoyed at getting the boy doll. Oh well, the bitter disappointments of the gender dysphoric.

After school, when playing with the older girls we would play dress-up in their parents clothes. I remember that there would be a choice of men's clothes and women's clothes and that I would gravitate to the women's clothes. I especially loved to wear the high heel shoes. It just felt so right to wear the feminine clothes. At least I could get away for a little while from male clothes.

When choosing sheets and spreads for the room I shared with my brother, I usually chose floral prints and pastel colors. Boy, did he hate it when I chose the bedding. I had feminine tastes even then. I used to love to help my mother plant the flowers and couldn't wait for them to bloom in the spring.

I remember when the weather was nice we would walk to the old McDonald's before it was renovated. It was a small white building and you could not eat there, you had to get carry-out. Now when I was growing up this was a treat. My mother always made lunch and dinner, we very seldom ate out. We were allowed to drink soda at supper only. The rest of the time it was juice, milk, Kool-Aid or water. My mother's rules.

Also, when I was five I had to wear leg braces to correct my walk. I hated them and fought to get them off. If anybody has seen Forrest Gump they were just like the ones he wore when he was a child. Matter of fact watching that movie brought back memories of them. I also have fallen arches and at that time I had to wear metal arches that had sides to them. I had to wear shoes a size or two bigger and sometimes they had to be specially made, so sometimes I could not wear what the other kids were wearing.

A major event that happened in First Grade was it was noticed that I was starting to have trouble seeing far. It came to head when my grades were falling because I had trouble seeing the board and would just try to guess at the letters. So of course, I had my eyes tested and had to get glasses.

Class wise I had to major problems, until learning to write cursive. I usually volunteered to stay after school to catch up with the other kids. Also when I was eight I had to join the cub scouts. My mother thought that this would help me get over my shyness and I also think she thought that hanging with a bunch of boys would stop my effeminate behavior. Didn't really work, but I did have some fun with the cub scouts. Unfortunately this wouldn't last long as my family was about to move to Lawrence Township, New Jersey.

My Journey Through Life, So Far Part 1

My Journey Through Life, So Far

by

Lesley Renee Charles

Chapter 1

The journey started for me on Sunday, September 26, 1965 at 5:25 p. m.. But a mistake was also carried out that day also, the doctors considered me a boy. Well physically that was true, but inside I was all girl.

One of my earliest memories is thinking that God made a mistake, that I should have been born a girl. I liked to play with dolls, especially the Dawn doll. I did have a few of them and a Dawn colorform set. This contained doll cut out forms that you could stick the colorform outfits on. It was given to me my Fairy Godmother. That is what I called my godmother, my rationale being if Cinderella had a fairy godmother, and I had a godmother then mine had to be a fairy godmother. Give me a break, I was three when I started this. I remember being thirteen and trying to call my Fairy Godmother, just Godmother when she asked me to please go on calling her Fairy Godmother, so I pushed down my adolescent uncomfortableness and did what she wanted.

Also, when I was three, I knew I was going to grow up to be a woman. At that time I did not know of the biological difference so I thought it would be easy. At this time, I was into my records, playing with my dolls and when forced to playing with building blocks. My older brother was the most uncomfortable with my effeminate behavior and was constantly trying to force me to exhibit more masculine behavior.

My mother was 43 years old, when I was born and I was her second child after a 21 year gap. Since she already had a boy, I know she was wishing that I was born a girl. Sometimes I think God has a sense of humor. Since I was a girl, but no one could see it.

When I was three, I would walk around on the balls of my bare feet, pretending I was wearing high heels. Boy, did my family hate when I did that. This was also the time that I overheard my mother telling her friends, that it was just a phase I was going through. Also during this time, I remember walking by a friend's house when a teenaged boy called me a fag. I didn't know what that was but figured it had to be bad judging from the tone of voice.

I spent the first eight years of my life in Middlesex, New Jersey. It was a nice sized town, then. I have some very fond memories. I would mostly play with the girls, so that I could play with dolls, and other girl toys, that I could not play with otherwise. I would be encouraged to play with boys, which I would do as long as it was with one or two. I did have a few male friends, but they were usually of the not rough and tumble crowd. I did not understand the boys and they of course did not understand me either.

One of my favorite toys at this time was my Fisher Price Play Family house. This was the only type of doll house I had. I also had the farm and school bus at the time. Of course I would play more with the female figures more than the males. I remember being 4 and in the hospital, for a fever that would not come down. I had to have this house brought to me while I was there and so my mother brought it to me. I remember this hospital stay for another reason. One of the nurses did not lock the side of the bed right and I fell out of bed. I had dreams of falling out of beds for a long time. I mentioned this to my mother when I was older and she said “Oh, you remember that?”

I would play house or some form thereof with the older girls. They would try to get me to play the father, but I would refuse. I guess it was bad enough playing a boy in real life, I did not want to do it in play. Sometimes we would make up our own episodes of current TV shows, like The Partridge Family or The Brady Bunch. I would either play Tracy (Partridge Family) or Cindy (Brady Bunch).

I have vague memories of Preschool. I remember it being in a red house. My mother told me that I was shy and would not play with the boys. She said that they would pick on my and that the older daughter of the woman running the school would play with me and shelter me. I was a very quiet and gentle child. My parents said that all they had to do was tell me not do something and I would behave.

When I was two, my mother had to take in her parents, who were both in their eighties and her blind and deaf brother. She also had my dad, my older brother and a toddler to take care of at the time. Can you say Valium. This did not last for too long. When I was three my grandparents died. But my mother did not have peace for too long.

When I was about three and a half my younger brother was born. I spent a lot of time helping my mother with him. I was very protective of him, watched over him like a little hawk. But my effeminate behavior got more noticeable since my younger brother was all boy. Let's just say my toy cars got more play out them now. I rarely played with them. Of course, this also meant I could not get away from boy toys anymore. I was just never comfortable with all the cars and toy guns. Then people wonder why males are aggressive. Note of sarcasm there.

What makes you feel manly?

I saw this question on another site and thought it would make a good question.  For the men who read this what makes you feel manly and women, what do you think makes your man manly.  I will start by answering that I love the feel of his hard muscles, knowing that I feel secure in his arms.  Answer this post by posting a comment.

Swearing off men, at least till I meet a nice guy.

I spent a week connecting to a guy who said he wanted to meet.  That I sounded just right.  Well the long and short of it is that we agreed to go on a date.  I got all dressed en femme for him, did my make-up right.  Looked good or so I thought.  He came to my door and said that it was not going to work.  So he left.  Not even try to find out more about me and maybe it did.  Sometimes I just don't understand men.  To quote Scarlett O'Hara, "It's a good thing I am a lady or I would have given that varmint a good piece of mind."